We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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