so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
