So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
