So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
