Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
