I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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