she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
