Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i drank out of a bidet.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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