dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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