Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
