she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
