She said her name was "party"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
