dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
