So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Randomize
