Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
