I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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