ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
