his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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