your parents love me but you hate me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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