i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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