The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
only if we run a train.
done.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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