i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
