my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
