i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
