At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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