I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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