My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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