Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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