WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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