I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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