i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
