I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
