it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
