Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
