Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
