It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
