It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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