There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
