So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
