There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
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I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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