i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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