haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Barsexuality is the new black.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
