Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
