I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
