my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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