this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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