So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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