i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am one with the molecules
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
