mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
