so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
