If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
