I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
