I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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