wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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