Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Randomize
