i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
