you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
