my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
