take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
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