also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
one might say we're banned from that church
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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