If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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