So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
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Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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