I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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