i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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