Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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