I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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