saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
