it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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